The Kid Right Now

I recently read an article in Canadian Today's Parent (see todaysparent.com for July 2008 issue), How to raise a great kid what every child needs by John Hoffman. It did not present a formula for raising a great kid. Rather, it inspired me to reconsider the way I think about raising the great kids I already have. Specifically, Hoffman suggested that we think of our children as two entities - one a work-in-progress (with lots to learn), the other the child s/he is supposed to be right now now and thereby worthy of our honour and respect. I really like this because it frees us up from being so concerned and consumed with the future person we are trying to create and acknowledges that our children are people with their own thoughts, feelings, problems, ideas, passions, strengths and weaknesses ALREADY. With a 5 year old about to start kindergarten and a 2.5 year old on the brink of toilet training and pre-school I am turning a new proverbial leaf; that is, focusing more on the amazing little creatures that they each are right now, and letting the work-in-progress parts (from tears instead of words to running around stores like they were at the park!) work themselves out.

Raising kids is a process - indeed!

Why?

Because.... (let me think for a minute - translation: wrack my brain, search the web or look it up in a book). My 5 year old and his 2.5 little bro are constantly asking questions. In response to what I hope is detailed and age appropriate explanation, it seems they are quick to exclaim - why?

B1 loves to play his Leapster (Leap Frog learning system). Just yesterday he told me, "My Leapster knows everything about animals because it is the Animal Genius!"

It is amazing to see how knowledgeable they are becoming.

When There is Nothing I "Have" to Do

What a remarkable feeling to have a day to myself. I putter with this and that. To perhaps accomplish things, but perhaps not. A Thursday, which has always been my favourite day. My children are taken care of, DOD is working - even the dog is content to sleep the day away. No one "needs" me (not until about 4:00 pm, that is!). There are a few things I would like to get done - one of which I completed already. But, what freedom in not having to be somewhere at a certain time, have something done by a certain time or just need to be available to others. a) Refresh. b) Breathe. c) Relax. d) Have Fun.

e) All of the above

stay sleeping

Can someone offer some assistance? Please, really, I need your help. He will NOT stay in his room. Today's so called "nap" really took the proverbial cake. He managed to dissemble his book shelving unit. That's right ... the little sweetie took apart the slats and left them (and the contents of his bedroom) in his wake as he wandered into his brother's room. There his rampage included toppling over a light from the bedside table. So, again I beg you tell me what to do to keep said child in his bed. OK. I will take merely staying in his room. After all, if it means a good night sleep for me, DOD and my child perhaps I'd be willing to purchase another IKEA special bookcase!

Here is my list of potential remedies please add to it:

1) Stay with him until he falls asleep (this may or may not involve some form of restraint)
2) Leave it alone... who cares if he comes out of bed 12 times between 8:30 and 11:00 pm
3) Bribe him
4) Remove all toys, stuffies etc. from room and surrounding areas
5) Magic?
6) Prayer
7) Ultimatum ("either you go to bed now or you go to bed later" - hmm, not so much!)
8) Hire a sleep expert (cost?)
9) Wait it out... time seems to resolve such issues (does it?)
10) Somehow getting this willful, creative soul to think sleeping is in his interests....

Sunshine Today

A close friend of mine lost a baby on June 22nd 2005. Today would have been K's third birthday. As I get ready to plan and celebrate my eldest son's 5th birthday I can't help but think of milestones, those which represent achievements and challenges - ones to mark events both positive and negative that have already marked our lives, our hearts, and our souls.

I look to the sunshine and see no remnants of the rain
No reminder of the pain?
I feel the hope and joy
that finally occupies my heart again

to all the mothers who have lost...

Inspired

I meet some great professional moms from across North America this past week. Had an opportunity to share with them some of my story as a Mom and as an academic. It was such a wonderful experience. Thank you to each one of you who allowed me some window into your personal and professional life.

Of so many thoughts, feelings and concerns raised for me at my conference was the significance of sharing of mother's stories. I encourage anyone interested to check out the soon to be released The Maternal Is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change edited by Shari MacDonald Strong.

I enjoyed hearing the stories of some of the women featured in the above collection. I hope more of my story will be revealed as I post more often than I have lately! I appreciate the comments posted and would love to have more coming...

Raising Responsible, Resourceful, Respectful, Resilient... and Compassionate Children

This weekend I made several learning/life lesson charts - don't know if they are mainly for me or the kids yet! One was my own adaptation to Robert Fulghum's classic "All I Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten." Another was based on (again my own spin) Barbara Coloroso's Kids Are Worth It (the original 80s edition). I guess, on the one hand, it suggests the task of raising responsible, resourceful, respectful, resilient and compassionate kids is not that difficult. On the other hand, though, it leads us to question the extent of our own responsibility, resourcefulness, respectfulness, resiliency and compassion - doesn't it? After all we can plan to "teach" our children much, but the biggest influence we have is what we model - that is, how we think, act and be in the world.
I would hope overall DOAD and I walk the walk of our talk, but on a day-to-day basis I am sure we fall short. How can we expect of our children [growing minds, bodies, contradictory feeling 'little beings'] what we too often fail to hold ourselves accountable for? I have decided not to send myself crazy with the double-sided chart of 30 parenting gems, but rather to use this exercise as a beginning. Since my almost 5 year old loves numbers, letters, and the yet to be named word for our 'activities' (last year we called whatever we did during the summer as 'summer adventures') I am going to break this quest/task up into several little daily challenges. I will ask him to choose a number or a letter (the other chart contains mostly sentences to live by and/or parent as) and that will be the daily challenge. For example, say B1 chooses "celebrates the successes of self and others." Here we may head to the park for several relay games or other sorts of physical activities where each one will likely come out ahead. The emphasis will be on 'celebrating success.'
Of course, all this time to enjoy these activities is mine only because I am fortunate to have several weeks of holidays from work. I challenge myself to actually be 'on holiday' and really celebrate my children this summer. I had these same "holidays" last year but only took about a week (but that's a story for another time!)