Be the Change

I have often wondered lately why despite being an honours student, a perfectionist and compassionate and conscientious child and young adult I never got heavily involved in politics, social justice organizations or more volunteer work when I was younger. Although I have always wanted to make a difference in the world, why did I not become an activist earlier in my life? (e.g. why did I not start campaigns in high school, or why did I not follow the earlier dreams I had in elementary school to change the world?). I guess in some ways I did. I got a PhD in Sociology. I teach students daily about social problems and encourage them to tackle these issues not from a distanced, academic perspective, but from a personal, passionate position. Yet, not until recently have I realized the desire I have to impact more than my own life. The intense passion in me to inspire not only my own children but to use my life - in all of its facets - to be the change I wish to see in the world. Ghandi's famous phrase resonates so much more to be now, as a mother. Even more still as a mother who has lost. Ever more as a mother who longs for more children.

The most amazing opportunities in life come out of the most unplanned experiences. As I follow my heart rather than my head (hard to do for an academic) my path has become so much more hopeful, so much more rewarding and the challenges therein much less daunting.

All children matter.
social justice.

B2 Turns 3!

My little boy is turning 3 this week! How cute he is. He told me this week, "Mamma, you are the best mommy I ever had!"

From the mouths of babes...

Did you know that the red pumpkins are called "red octobers?"

Me neither. Every have your elementary school aged son or daughter tell you facts like this one and then ask: "Did you know that, Mom?" What do you say? No - sorry, honey I am not a pumpkinologist. Yes, of course, I do! Or, do you respond like me, "That's is pretty interesting, isn't it? Hoping he will not push it further and I will not have to admit I, in fact, do not know this. I also hope to avoid the question: "How come you didn't tell me that before?" It is amazing how these little minds absorb so much. It is definitely something to be celebrated! So, why do I keep repeating myself again and again with his almost 3 year old little brother - "Stop... Don't!... You have to listen when Mama is speaking to you"?

Am I a blogger?

If blogging is something one does, then (lately) no, I am not a blogger. If, however, a blogger is something one is (or perhaps hopes to be), then, yes - My Mommy Is is a blogger, My Mommy Is is not simply a blog.

Now that is out of the way, the post.

October 14, 2008 - Election Day (in Canada, that is). I plan to exercise my democratic right. How could I not, knowing that my fore-mothers fought a long and hard battle for the franchise?! Yet, what difference does my vote make? I live in a riding comprised of voters staunchly politically minded in the opposite direction as my position. A strategic vote might make the difference. A vote from my conscious - the same vote? or one cast for another candidate?

No, these considerations are not simply about my personal vote, or its impact on the vote count in my own community or country for that matter. It is about a way of being, acting, and thinking in the world that I hope to emulate for my children. I am not talking about explaining to my 5 year old the significance of elections in a democracy (though I am sure he would understand much of this conservation).

I am simply referring to the (dis)connect between what we say and what we do. Am I willing to do what I say, no matter what the consequence?

Perhaps in the United States there is even more partisanship with only two long standing parties. A greater case in point of the issue I attempt to discern here. Mothers votes count, for something beyond the election. I wonder, though, if our political voice (be it soft or loud) tells our children not simply about capital "P" politics, but much about our politics of self- who and what we stand for and when and where we are willing to stand up and be heard.

To blog or not to blog, that is NOT the question. The question remains, why so often does what we do fail to even come close to what we think (or to who we think we are)?

Does my blogging practice (im-practice) tell me something about more than my blogging? Until tonight when I vote (perhaps a clue).

In less than one week...

B1 starts Kindergarten on Tuesday, September 3rd! In some ways I can hardly believe it, and in others it seems a long time coming. Wow! How wonderful it is that he is ready to approach this new opportunity with such eager excitement. Despite his interest, enthusiasm, and genuine thrill to be going to school, his Mommy has some trepidation. Yes, of course, I am sure this is not unique. The concern I have is less about "my little boy growing up" and more about him being in the world (the smaller world of the classroom) without me. Indeed, he has been in different childcare arrangements where he has existed for hours on end without me, yet there seems to be something quantitatively and qualitatively different about starting Kindergarten.

I have felt more pressure over the last several weeks, days, hours, minutes (you get the picture?) about sufficiently equipping him with the skills - physical, social, emotional, psychological - necessary to find his way among the other children, new experiences, teacher, etc. he will encounter. Did we do enough reading? Was I too hard on him when he cried instead of using his words? Not enough? Did we have enough "summer adventures"? Did we do too much?

I know from my own life that most of my most significant growing periods were those that started in sadness, upset, disappointment or otherwise "crappy circumstances." Yet, I am somewhat fearful for my son to learn his own life lessons in a similar matter.

The other side of my trepidation is pure elation - a sense of wonder and excitement of my own that he has reached this special milestone. The question becomes, am I equipped to stay on the latter side (at least for Tuesday!)?

... I think so
... I hope so

But I still love your cookies

I make a breakfast that usually thrills most - blueberry french toast. This morning B1 exclaims, "I don't like this anymore. My tastes have changed." Just yesterday, he picked at his grilled cheese and said, "I really don't like 'gorilla cheese.' What?! THIS from my child who eats everything, has never turned his nose up at anything? When I questioned this recent turn of food preferences, he simply stated, "But I still love your cookies!" Then, he added, "and orange juice." I replied, "But I don't make the orange juice." "Hhmm. What's next?," I wonder out loud. He answers, "I don't like chicken anymore either."

What gives?

Is it Okay when kids run inside?

Department stores, grocery stores, the mall, etc. I keep hearing myself saying, "please boys, we are not in a park. Stop Running Around!" How long do I need to keep this up? Perhaps my 2.5 year old just can't walk - he rushes, runs, skips and dances his way around. Who, as his mother, am I to tell him otherwise? It is not like they are climbing up on the shelves or deliberately running into people. Yet, that part of me that thinks this is not the place for this, I should be saying something... keeps pulling me to natter this and natter that about why "we don't run in stores." The main culprit here is not some out of control child. He is the same child who in response to me saying, "I am so proud of you and how well you are doing with your potty training," sweetly states: "Thank you, Mama, that makes me so happy."

As I write this we are now at home and the kids are playing in the living room. Again, my little one goes behind the cushions of our couch and I am ready to repeat: "Please get out of there. We don't go on there like that. Our house is not 'blah, blah, blah...' and he says, "I am just getting the car from behind there!"

Ah, the joys of parenting! When to just leave well enough alone?! any ideas?