stay sleeping

Can someone offer some assistance? Please, really, I need your help. He will NOT stay in his room. Today's so called "nap" really took the proverbial cake. He managed to dissemble his book shelving unit. That's right ... the little sweetie took apart the slats and left them (and the contents of his bedroom) in his wake as he wandered into his brother's room. There his rampage included toppling over a light from the bedside table. So, again I beg you tell me what to do to keep said child in his bed. OK. I will take merely staying in his room. After all, if it means a good night sleep for me, DOD and my child perhaps I'd be willing to purchase another IKEA special bookcase!

Here is my list of potential remedies please add to it:

1) Stay with him until he falls asleep (this may or may not involve some form of restraint)
2) Leave it alone... who cares if he comes out of bed 12 times between 8:30 and 11:00 pm
3) Bribe him
4) Remove all toys, stuffies etc. from room and surrounding areas
5) Magic?
6) Prayer
7) Ultimatum ("either you go to bed now or you go to bed later" - hmm, not so much!)
8) Hire a sleep expert (cost?)
9) Wait it out... time seems to resolve such issues (does it?)
10) Somehow getting this willful, creative soul to think sleeping is in his interests....

Sunshine Today

A close friend of mine lost a baby on June 22nd 2005. Today would have been K's third birthday. As I get ready to plan and celebrate my eldest son's 5th birthday I can't help but think of milestones, those which represent achievements and challenges - ones to mark events both positive and negative that have already marked our lives, our hearts, and our souls.

I look to the sunshine and see no remnants of the rain
No reminder of the pain?
I feel the hope and joy
that finally occupies my heart again

to all the mothers who have lost...

Inspired

I meet some great professional moms from across North America this past week. Had an opportunity to share with them some of my story as a Mom and as an academic. It was such a wonderful experience. Thank you to each one of you who allowed me some window into your personal and professional life.

Of so many thoughts, feelings and concerns raised for me at my conference was the significance of sharing of mother's stories. I encourage anyone interested to check out the soon to be released The Maternal Is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change edited by Shari MacDonald Strong.

I enjoyed hearing the stories of some of the women featured in the above collection. I hope more of my story will be revealed as I post more often than I have lately! I appreciate the comments posted and would love to have more coming...

Raising Responsible, Resourceful, Respectful, Resilient... and Compassionate Children

This weekend I made several learning/life lesson charts - don't know if they are mainly for me or the kids yet! One was my own adaptation to Robert Fulghum's classic "All I Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten." Another was based on (again my own spin) Barbara Coloroso's Kids Are Worth It (the original 80s edition). I guess, on the one hand, it suggests the task of raising responsible, resourceful, respectful, resilient and compassionate kids is not that difficult. On the other hand, though, it leads us to question the extent of our own responsibility, resourcefulness, respectfulness, resiliency and compassion - doesn't it? After all we can plan to "teach" our children much, but the biggest influence we have is what we model - that is, how we think, act and be in the world.
I would hope overall DOAD and I walk the walk of our talk, but on a day-to-day basis I am sure we fall short. How can we expect of our children [growing minds, bodies, contradictory feeling 'little beings'] what we too often fail to hold ourselves accountable for? I have decided not to send myself crazy with the double-sided chart of 30 parenting gems, but rather to use this exercise as a beginning. Since my almost 5 year old loves numbers, letters, and the yet to be named word for our 'activities' (last year we called whatever we did during the summer as 'summer adventures') I am going to break this quest/task up into several little daily challenges. I will ask him to choose a number or a letter (the other chart contains mostly sentences to live by and/or parent as) and that will be the daily challenge. For example, say B1 chooses "celebrates the successes of self and others." Here we may head to the park for several relay games or other sorts of physical activities where each one will likely come out ahead. The emphasis will be on 'celebrating success.'
Of course, all this time to enjoy these activities is mine only because I am fortunate to have several weeks of holidays from work. I challenge myself to actually be 'on holiday' and really celebrate my children this summer. I had these same "holidays" last year but only took about a week (but that's a story for another time!)

DOAD

Haven't said much about DOAD lately. I want to thank him for seeing through to my core in this time of struggle - for assisting me, supporting me and giving me utter kindness and compassion.

Thank you - your two boys have a remarkably Dad (hence - Dad of All Dads!)

What do you need from me?

As I laid down this evening next to B1 I looked at that sweet, young face and thought WOW you are mine! What a responsibility I have for and to this growing being. I asked, "What do you need from Mommy?" Without a beat, he replied: "Love, [short pause] care." He looked around and then up at me, "There is one more thing." "Is it support?" I asked. Ignoring his mother [as only kids can], "to teach me things, he explained proudly. "Do I do these things for you?" (I had to ask?!) "Mommy, you sure do!" Wow! I must be doing something right.

I had an occasion today to share the story (see previous posts) about the woman and her mentor with a student who confided in me a difficult, unexpected situation she has found herself in recently. It was really great being able to pass on something that helped me so much in my own struggle to another woman (and given she is 14 years my junior, I felt proud to be like the mentor in the story).

Feeling like Someone Else

I seem to have these moments where there is a glimmer of my former self. It goes away, quickly. Then, I feel like I am being hit by a truck - I am reminded of what happened, of what is happening. I move on. I seem to go through some routine motions. I am back at work. I am laughing with friends. I am enjoying my two beautiful sons. Yet, all the while I am thinking about, or feeling this missing part. It haunts me. DOD is so understanding, but at the same time how much can I expect. The process of grief seems so different for each of us. I can't even take my maternity clothes out of my closet.

It is so odd I feel far removed, yet more inside myself than ever before. I feel connected with some power outside myself, yet isolated at once. Is this the "new normal" I keep hearing about? Perhaps this intermediary zone is where I am now, not where I was before but not quite where I am going to end up.

Indeed, (see previous post) I am not at the end.