Happy Birthday to ME!

I turned 35 today! At 35 I have a three year old (whom I have affectionately called B2 here) and a 5 year old (who has taken on the moniker B1). Over coffee this morning my dad remarked, "3 and 5 at 35." My Dad was a high school math teacher and although he went on to spend decades in administration and is now a retired principal, numbers are in his heart. [Words are in mine] He went on to explain: "you will never again be 35 with your kids 3 and 5."

This comment came as no surprise. 35 years ago today - at 11:17 pm to be precise - I was born. My Mom was born on the 11th of January and my Dad the 17th of May. Even my younger brother, who would join us almost 4 years later, didn't have his own number -would arrive November 22nd. As if the Jan 22 at 11:17 wasn't enough - the year was 1974 and my Dad's birth year was 1947.

More on words and numbers to come...

A Day to Affirm Everything

I love my children.
I love my husband.
I love my friends.
I love my professional opportunities.
I love my activism and community involvement.

I know there is much to have gratitude for. There is so much full in my life.



I want another child.

Why

It's been said that "everything happens for a reason," and "there is always something positive that comes from negative experiences." When things happen in our lives beyond anything that we can control, far from any expectation that we have, and outside any possibility we ever wanted to entertain - how do we move on?

Are we as human beings really capable of resiliency, transcending horrific events and picking ourselves - our mixed up body/mind/soul pieces up off the floor and re-assembling ourselves into something that resembles what we were before the fall? Short answer - yes; well, sure (at least I know of people who seem to be doing it). Long answer... I think it really depends.

It must depend on our identities and how we choose to envision ourselves vis à via those who matter in our lives. As a mother I feel strongly, deeply, fully that my maternal core (albeit rocked by negative experiences) gets stronger, more capable, more powerful and far more something 'other' than I expected.

Is this so for all mothers? Could it be that it is not peculiar to maternal identity, but something about a core or central identity we as human beings adopt? Or, is there something particular or inherent or perhaps axiomatic to mothering that brings about this (should I call it an) ability?

When we are at our deepest, most saddened, and most at odds with our human experience, therein lies the possibility to connect closest with our spiritual selves, that 'thing' without thingness, that being without body or mind, that secular or religious soul. Simply - our core.

"A little brother always needs help sometimes"

Reply: "I do." So sweet this morning the boys and I were colouring and stamping. Of course B2 was finished his "creation," much earlier than his meticulous older brother. Once complete, off he went. Upon my request for his return to clean up it was very clear that he was having trouble putting the stamps back in their case. B1 tried to show him how, but didn't do it for him. In no time the activity was all put away. It was then that B1 exclaimed: "A little brother always needs help sometimes."

I NEED a Klennex (R)... please Mama

A refrain heard in our house probably one thousand, three hundred and sixty five times in the last 10 days. What ever happened to a tissue? This is week two of B2's cold, which did not slow him down at all! Anyway, are we that far gone into consumerism, commercialism, and every other product-based ism that children today know products only by brand name? Or, is Kimberly-Clark just a genius?

They OWN the word and have since the 1920s!

postscript:
The white cloth products used to wipe my three year old's nose were, in fact, Scotties tissues!

"Are you the boss of the family?"

I recall several weeks ago B1 asked me, "Mom, are you the boss of the family?" I replied quickly, "No, your Dad and I are both in charge of this family equally." I also stated, though, "Mommy is the one who organizes everything." I like to think of myself as the heartbeat of the whole organization - the lifeblood if you will.

Hockey practice for B1 today 9:15-10:15 am - clearly written in my hand writing on the family calendar. Yet, there was a hockey practice Friday and a game yesterday, so I just figured there wasn't one this morning. DOAD asked me yesterday if there was a practice and I told him I didn't think so (according to my recollection anyway).

Off DOAD went to work this morning... oh, nope he looked at the calendar and saw, yes there was, in fact, a practice. Moments later I came downstairs, found this out (at 8:43 am!) and said, "OK, I'll take him" (B1 was, of course, still sound asleep). Being an assistant coach and a dad of all dads this was out of the question: "No, I'll take him," and he did.

Guilt? Regret? Shame? As the family organizer this was my responsibility to know that the practice was this morning and to ensure everyone was where they needed to be - to orchestrate it all. Was I so irresponsible?

Being solely in charge of organizing this kind of stuff (the little and large of family life) is a considerable task!

I am so thankful that I do not have to bare the brunt of facilitating and undertaking each family detail alone.

DOAD is the HOAH too!

Hope

Hope is a belief, not a thought. Hope is believing in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. It is feeling like what we want we can have. It is the feeling that things will turn out for the best. Hope is sometimes wishing for something or someone.

Hopefulness is sometimes confused with optimism, which is actually a 'mind' state, not a 'feeling' state. Hope is emotional whereas optimism is intellectual. Optimism involves reaching a conclusion after deliberate thoughts that bring about positive attitudes (according to Wikepedia anyway!).

When we are confronted with things we cannot control, we can attempt to think and think and think about it, but that changes nothing - cannot alter whatever outcome is to come. As a mom, this is very difficult to accept. For me, anyway, I want to direct, and orchastrate as much as possible. Yet, when the uncertain becomes our certainty, is it possible to give in to hope and the faith that what we will will be and that is what is the result we actually need?

Hoping...