Double Life? (or multiplicitous me)

Can I really be this woman who continues to go to work, who volunteers in her son's classroom, who is attempting a new workout routine, who laughs at dinner with friends, who reads to her children, who caresses her husband, who walks her dog, ...etc who - by all appearances can balance work and family - while at the same time be a woman who is suffering the unspeakable grief of early pregnancy loss? Am I she and her? Where is the dividing line between the continued joys and celebration of my motherhood and my family AND the termination of plans, hopes, expectations and new beginnings for a new baby? Am I leading a double life - one characterized by pain and anger, the other full of life, love, and "new" (albeit different than what was planned) beginnings? Or, is it alright to see BOTH adversity and opportunity in my recent maternal experiences and wider life?