Stay Positive

I am positive today. I just need to stay that way. Keep calm. Relax. Don't let little things frustrate me. Be happy. Smile.

Oh, so easy to write it all down!

... something new...

B1 says to me, "Mom, we should learn something new everyday. Yes, I learned to colour in the lines from the outside in."

So sweet. The 'technique' I suggested yesterday when we were colouring he considers "something new."

Funny moment after dinner. DOAD nicknamed B1 monkey soon after he was born. More recently he has taken to calling him "macaco" [prounouced - ma-Ka-cow], Portuguese for monkey. Anyway, DOAD - noting B1 was sitting ON the kitchen table, asked him, "What are you doing?" Without missing a beat he replied, "Macacking Around!"

Parent-Student-Teacher Interviews... oh my!?

Today we have parent-student-teacher interviews for the first time for B1. It is really exciting to formally begin this "joint responsibility" in my child's learning. Who am I kidding?

To what extent are we really informed, engaged and fully aware of what happens in our child(ren)'s classrooms? We have 15 minutes allotted for our child. Do I have too many questions? Not the 'right' ones? What role does the student have in all this? If it is student led, then, after we are finished getting a Kindergartener's eye view of the classroom, will there only be 2-3 minutes left for my questions and concerns? Will I find out more about who my child is at school?

Will I walk away satisfied with my role in this so-called sharing initiative? Will my son? What of DOAD?

As you can see, I have more questions than answers on this one!

All Children Matter - National Children's Day Assembly

B1 co-wrote this song with me!

The Myths Children Believe

A post I read on Writing Maternity about the ways our children's education reinforces myths and stereotypes, which moved me to make the following comment:

This is a very insightful post! I also really enjoyed reading about Geeky Mom's 13th son. In my experience (so far) raising two boys (now 5 and 3) I continually confront "opportunities" to reinforce or challenge myths and stereotypes about masculinity and boy culture, inequality, racism and so much else. Living in Canada and being a Sociologist I am deeply concerned that my own children (who receive the cold comfort and warmth of white privilege) recognize the various ways the First Nations or Aboriginal peoples have been historically and still today been exploited, alienated, and excluded. I am heartened that like many of us whose elementary educations masked Canada's colonial past (and present) there are young people today who are able to use these omissions in their own education to now question what they see going on today.

B1s class is currently doing a unit on "Fairies and Fairytales." This concerns me less after participating in the above discussion. Thoughts? ...

You should be teaching school age students, not adults!

One of the other mother's after the Assembly commented that I "should be teaching school age students, not adults." It was, in fact, a compliment. It makes me think about what I do in my "adult" classroom and what I could learn from a "child" one!

Yet, perhaps some of the lessons I need to reinforce are the very ones I want to teach in my sons.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.
These are the things I learned:

* Share everything.
* Play fair.
* Don't hit people.
* Put things back where you found them.
* Clean up your own mess.
* Don't take things that aren't yours.
* Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
* Wash your hands before you eat.
* Flush.
* Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
* Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
* Take a nap every afternoon.
* When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
* Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
* Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
* And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

[Source: "ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum.

Proud Mama

Yesterday was National Child Day, a day to honour and celebrate all children over the world. On November 20th 1989 the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child was born. I was so fortunate to be able to participate in an Assembly held at my son's school in recognition of what in our house has become known as 'all children matter' day. B1s Kindergarten class sang a song he and I co-wrote of the same name. It was absolutely thrilling to be able to get involved not directly as an academic or activist, but as a Mom. It will be a day I will never forget. Please reassure me that his 5 year old brain (which holds on amazingly to pieces of information from the past DOAD or I forget) will retain these special times!

I publicly promised to show him everyday how much he is loved. Now I am accountable beyond my own desire and devotion as a mother.

A, B, C, ...

The "I Can" statement for November in B1's Kindergarten class is "I can print the letters of the Alphabet in both upper and lower case." I thought he was doing really well with this until a story he shared today that goes a little something like this...

I didn't finish my workbook so I worked on it during "Centers." [Oh, so you finished it then?] No, I will be finished once I cut everything out. [Are other students not done yet?] No, everyone is finished. [So while you were working all the other kids were playing at Centers?] Yes. [Well, I guess it just took you a little longer this time]. Actually, there are lots of time I don't quite finish my work.... continues

So, here is my issue. FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. How can I get him to do this? We have worked on printing a through d for the last - 75 minutes! D's are NOT done yet?!?!?!

Does this sound like a frustrated mother? [rhetorical]

Input and ideas from those Mothers further along in the parent of school age process. Please?

Who are you outside this classroom?

I asked my students, "who are you outside this classroom?" Can of worms... opened! They shared revealing and heart wrenching stories about loss, friendship, family, disease, addiction, recovery, war, family violence, pets etc. In theory, there is continuing/consistency and fluidity in "who and what I am," although today the practice was a lot harder than I expected. Telling little anecdotes are one thing, what to do when students give me and their classmates a more deep window into their lives - quite another?

B1 waits patiently for dessert

Hold and Fold!

B2 Turns 3! (a couple weeks ago)

Mother Guilt... If only

I had evaluated the evidence - the specimens included two male children, one man and one woman. Health status? 30 something man who is in the best shape of his life, the picture of health. Check. The oldest child, nose runny? No. Cough? No. Check. Me, well, haven't been at 'optimal' lately (ever?), but I waited until the cold and sore throat over three weeks ago that had kept me away had passed. Check, I had recovered. The little one, his cold started right after mine weeks ago. I had assessed the status of his health as better. Unfortunately, mother quilt kicks in when we are at friends' visiting their brand new, beautiful, one month old daughter and B2 starts coughing!! Not related, but I have to pass off the little sweetie to her mother because I get something in my throat that takes me into a coughing episode. Check? I had even drenched everyone's hands in sanitizer before entering baby zone.

This experience - or the questioning of it - makes me think back to a time when my children were exposed to stomach flu from another family and how horrible I felt. If only they had said something? If only I had been more vigilant? If only... If only... a refrain for new mothers. With a 5 year old and a 3 year old I wonder if I have eked out of that category or not!

To all those new mothers, we have been there.

Getting Along (Again)

Here is the mothering strategy list I mentioned in a previous post:

Be Polite
Be Respectful
Be Thoughtful
Be Friendly
Be Cooperative
Be Generous
Be Kind
Be Honest
Be Helpful
Be Cheerful

Of course, our modeling of politeness, respectfulness and thoughtfulness; friendly, cooperative, generous and kind actions, routine honesty and helpfulness should be enough?! If all that fails at least we are always, ALWAYS cheerful, right?

In all seriousness, I think as adults we continually struggle with the 'golden rule' of treating others how we wish to be treated. Hopefully I can instill in my boys the quest to live up to these (seemingly easy) prescriptions!

"I go away for a week and I get this reception... you get it everyday!"

DOAD is finally back! The title line is his!! The boys are really excited, "Watch this trick, Ok Dad?" It is so great to have my partner in parenting back where he belongs. While I missed him incredibly and am so happy to have someone else to share the responsibilities and day to day of raising two little boys with, I feel really good about being able to do it on my own. I really thoroughly enjoyed being the sole one the boys counted on for everything this past week. Don't get me wrong... there were times it drove me crazy.

Went running with a friend of mine today and shared some thoughts and frustrations about the challenges of encouraging them while at the same time respecting their limits (i.e. the things that get me 'crazy'). More on this soon...

Getting Along

Do you ever wonder, why can't my kids just get along?! Me neither! Of course I do, hence the reason for this post. I think (I hope) I have found a new strategy that will if not change behaviour at least keep me more sane, as I navigate the role of advisor, referee, confidant between two male siblings (ages 5 and 3). I bought a chart with 10 key getting along "dos." My new strategy? Instead of "boys, stop X, or do Y," I plan to ask a question, "Is that (said behaviour in question) polite, or cheerful, or respectful or whatever the particular getting along maxim that appears to be breeched. Then, as the retorical 'no' goes stated or not. I will encourage them to ask themselves, "How could I be ... ?" I posted this chart in my kitchen (at least until DOAD gets home tomorrow!)

Be the Change

I have often wondered lately why despite being an honours student, a perfectionist and compassionate and conscientious child and young adult I never got heavily involved in politics, social justice organizations or more volunteer work when I was younger. Although I have always wanted to make a difference in the world, why did I not become an activist earlier in my life? (e.g. why did I not start campaigns in high school, or why did I not follow the earlier dreams I had in elementary school to change the world?). I guess in some ways I did. I got a PhD in Sociology. I teach students daily about social problems and encourage them to tackle these issues not from a distanced, academic perspective, but from a personal, passionate position. Yet, not until recently have I realized the desire I have to impact more than my own life. The intense passion in me to inspire not only my own children but to use my life - in all of its facets - to be the change I wish to see in the world. Ghandi's famous phrase resonates so much more to be now, as a mother. Even more still as a mother who has lost. Ever more as a mother who longs for more children.

The most amazing opportunities in life come out of the most unplanned experiences. As I follow my heart rather than my head (hard to do for an academic) my path has become so much more hopeful, so much more rewarding and the challenges therein much less daunting.

All children matter.
social justice.